Are you speaking the same love language?

Communication is at the heart of all good relationships, whether that’s with your wife, children, employees or in the board room.

In business, there is a plethora of profiling tools to help you understand how your people interact and communicate with each other and how they want to be managed, ultimately how to speak ‘their language’.

What about in relationships?  How do you know at a deeper level what your wife wants? How do you know how to speak ‘her language’ and how does she know what’s important to you?

Fortunately, there are some great tools out there that really help. One of them is ‘Five Love Languages’, created by Gary Chapman Ph.D. which empowers you and your wife to give and receive love in a way that’s meaningful to each of you.

Dr Chapman developed the concept of the Five Love Languages based on years of experience as a marriage counsellor and his observations of couples struggling with communication and expressing love.  He noticed that individuals often had different preferences when it came to giving and receiving love, and these differences could lead to misunderstanding and conflict in their relationship.

According to Gary there are five primary ways that we communicate and interpret love in relationships, and we all have a primary and sometimes secondary love language. They are:

Words of affirmation: These people appreciate verbal expressions of love, compliments, and words of encouragement.  Simple statements of affirmation can make a significant impact.

Quality Time: This love language emphasises the importance of spending meaningful, undivided attention with loved ones.  Quality conversations and shared experiences are crucial.

Receiving Gifts: Some people feel most loved when they receive tangible and thoughtful gifts.  These gifts don't necessarily have to be expensive; what matters is the effort and thought put into selecting them.

Acts of Service: Actions speak louder than words.  These people feel loved when others perform thoughtful and helpful acts for them, such as doing chores or providing practical assistance.

Physical Touch: Physical affection, such as hugs, kisses, and other forms of touch, is the primary way individuals with this love language feel loved and connected.

Knowing your own love language and that of your wife will enable healthier communication and giving you a framework to express your feelings and needs so that you can build a deeper emotional connection. 

Find out your preference for free on the Five Love Languages website

If your wife’s love language is opposite to yours and you are concerned you may find it hard to give love in this way, talk about it together. You could talk about how you were shown love as a child which may be why it feels more difficult to you. 

Ask her to help you by giving examples of things you have done that have made her feel loved. Ask her to give you a list of some of the specific ways you can show her love.  For example, my primary love language is ‘Words of Affirmation’ so I appreciate, little notes in the bed or my briefcase, being told I’m loved and more importantly why.  And handwritten cards and letters with meaningful words. 

Give her a list as well of the specific ways you like to receive love and by doing so you will start to co-create a relationship that ensures both you and your wife feel loved and appreciated in a way that resonates with you both, building trust and intimacy and reducing misunderstanding and conflict.

I’m rooting for you.