Fed up, going through the motions of life?
Are you finding yourself going through the motions of life... Knowing there’s more….? Then perhaps you need to turn inwards, so you can live a life that’s intentional, fulfilling and offers the freedom you want.
Understanding Self-Awareness
If you’re a man over 40 then self-awareness is the first critical step in enabling you to live your best life and is simply the ability to recognise and understand your thoughts, emotions, behaviours, and motivations consciously.
It empowers you to take ownership of your life. Rather than being a passive bystander, you become an active participant in shaping your reality and creating your best life.
I always make it clear to my clients that one of the fundamental aspects of self-awareness is the willingness to be open to some potential discomfort. Whilst it may feel unsettling at times it is important because it:
Unveils what’s hidden: Turning towards discomfort allows you to uncover hidden truths and insights about yourself that may have been obscured by denial or avoidance. By shining a light, you start to gain clarity and understanding on what the actual problem is.
Breaks free from limiting beliefs and patterns: Discomfort signals areas of your life where you may be stuck in repetitive patterns or behaviours that no longer serve you. By confronting discomfort head-on, you create the opportunity to break free from these limiting patterns and embrace new possibilities for growth and change.
Cultivates resilience and adaptability: Embracing discomfort encourages resilience and adaptability, empowering you to embrace life's inevitable challenges and seeing them as an integral part of the human experience and simply a catalyst for transformation.
Becoming Self-Aware
Some simple steps to getting self-aware are:
Journaling – I like to describe journaling as a way of talking to yourself on paper. It’s about writing down your thoughts, emotions, feelings and experiences so hopefully you don’t have to suffer those middle of the night moments. If you’re curious and would like more information on journaling download my free guide to journaling for men here.
Coaching or Therapy – Serve as a powerful catalyst for self-awareness, guiding individuals on a journey of introspection, discovery, and personal growth.
Through a supportive and collaborative relationship, a skilled coach or therapist will help individuals explore their thoughts, emotions, beliefs, and behaviours, illuminating blind spots to enable the client to live the life they want.
Profiling Tools – There is a plethora of profiling tools that will help you with self-awareness in several different ways and I’m sure you’ve had HR departments task you with completing a number of them throughout your career!
I personally think any tool that offers insight is valuable and serves as a wonderful starting point for meaningful conversations or reflection. In fact, I run an Academy training individuals in Motivational Maps® a highly accurate diagnostic tools that assesses individual motivation levels and drivers. I find it to be an essential part of my coaching when unveiling what might be getting individuals stuck or conflicted in their life.
The Johari Window
Another tool I love and use often with clients is the Johari Window. Developed by psychologists Joseph Luft and Harrington Ingham, it offers a framework for understanding self-awareness and interpersonal relationships.
The Johari Window consists of four quadrants that represent different aspects of oneself, based on what is known or unknown to oneself and others:
The area’s include:
Open Self - Known to both the individual and others.
Blind Self - Known to others but unknown to the individual.
Hidden Self - Known to the individual but hidden from others.
Unknown Self - Unknown to both the individual and others.
Let me share how David, 53 used the Johari Window for self-reflection….
Open Area: David began by reflecting on aspects of his life that were well-known to both him and others. He realised he had a fulfilling business, a loving family, and good health. These are elements that he and those close to him recognise as contributing to his overall well-being. However, he also acknowledged that there may be areas where he could improve, such as prioritising self-care or pursuing personal passions outside of work.
Blind Spot: David sought feedback from friends, family, and trusted colleagues to uncover blind spots in his life. He asked questions like:
What are some first impressions people might have about me that I may not realise?
What qualities or traits do you think I have that I might not fully recognise in myself?
What do you think is one area where I could grow or improve that I might not have considered?
Through those conversations, he learned that whilst he appeared to have it all together on the surface, there were underlying feelings of dissatisfaction and unfulfilled dreams. Others observed that he often prioritised work over personal fulfilment and regularly neglected his own needs for the sake of others. This feedback prompted David to reassess his priorities and consider whether he was truly living in alignment with his values and aspirations and if indeed he was avoiding something.
Hidden Area: David delved into aspects of himself that he was keeping hidden from others, as well as from himself. Upon introspection, he realised that he was suppressing his desire for adventure and exploration in favour of routine and security. He knew there were dreams he'd put aside over the years out of fear or complacency. Recognising these hidden desires prompted David to re-evaluate his life vision and take steps to incorporate more joy and spontaneity into his life.
Unknown Area: Finally, David reflected on the aspects of his life that may be unknown to both him and others. He considered the possibility that there were undiscovered passions or opportunities for growth waiting to be explored. This led him to embark on a journey of self-discovery through coaching, embracing profiling tools with a sense of curiosity and openness. David also made time to explore new activities and experiences.
By using the Johari Window as a framework for self-reflection, David gained valuable insights into whether he was truly living his best life. Through introspection, feedback, and a willingness to explore the unknown, he took steps to align his actions with his values and aspirations, ultimately leading to a more fulfilling and authentic way of living.
In conclusion, if you really want to live your best life it starts with self-awareness and the tools, I’ve shared with you are simple and accessible to help you start that journey. Most importantly be gentle and compassionate with yourself as you navigate the potential discomfort of becoming self-aware. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer to someone you really love.
If you would like to go deeper, why not complete my scorecard ‘Are you living your best life?’ In just two minutes you’ll get your score as well as instant access to my 22-page self help guide, filled with practical exercises that will move you towards your best life now.
Remember the goal of self-awareness is self-acceptance.
I’m rooting for you….
