Breaking the Silence

In this blog I want to share with you how dementia has touched my life, particularly in the last couple of months and why it’s critical that we talk about the link between trapped emotions and dementia. Opening up really could be one of the most powerful steps you take for your mental health as you get older…..

Dementia is an umbrella term for a range of cognitive impairments that interfere with daily life. These include memory loss, difficulty thinking, problem-solving and even changes in behaviour and personality. Alzheimer’s disease is the most common type of dementia, but there are several other forms as well.

My stepfather Bob has advanced Alzheimer’s; removing his ability for cognition, speech and movement, leaving a ghost in replace of the man I love and grew up with.

It was evident two months ago that Bob’s needs were far greater than my mother could provide at home and so I began to dance the complex and frustrating world of social services, care homes and my mum’s roller-coaster of emotions….

When I started talking about Bob and the challenges of dementia, I was amazed how many of my clients, network and friend’s lives had all been touched by this cruel illness.

Why should you care? Because dementia can be a slow and debilitating illness that not only impacts your own quality of life, your freedom and the choices you make as you age. Rather it creates profound challenges for the people you love most in life……

My client Andrew, 55 has lived through his share of ups and downs. Career challenges, family responsibilities, personal losses. I imagine like you he was taught to handle it all with stoicism, to be a pillar of strength…. But what happens to the emotions you ‘swallow down’? The grief, the anger, the fear? They don’t just disappear. They get trapped inside you and over time, they can wreak havoc on your mental and physical health.

A few years ago, Andrew lost his best friend Pete who he describes as his ‘rock’. Pete’s sudden death left Andrew distraught. However instead of grieving, he buried himself in work. He thought staying busy would help him move on. It didn’t. Instead, he started forgetting things, small things at first, then bigger things. He felt like he was losing himself. That’s when he knew something had to change and he booked an appointment with me.

Andrew says it wasn’t easy to take that first step. He thought that talking about his feelings would be unnatural and wrong. He was surprised how quickly he was able to open up and as he started to feel lighter, he realised that he’d been carrying an inordinate amount of pain and that in finally letting it out he felt both relief and freedom.

The Dementia Connection…

While the exact causes of dementia are still being studied, it’s clear that a combination of genetic, environmental, and lifestyle factors contribute to its development.

Chronic stress is one of the most significant emotional factors linked to dementia. When you experience stress, your body releases cortisol, the stress hormone. In small doses, cortisol can be beneficial, however chronic stress leads to consistently high levels of cortisol, which can damage the brain over time. This damage affects areas of the brain crucial for memory and learning.

Emotional isolation and loneliness are also significant risk factors for dementia. Human beings are inherently social creatures, and your brain thrives on social interaction. When you are isolated or lonely, your brain doesn’t get the stimulation it needs, leading to cognitive decline. Studies have shown that people who maintain strong social connections are less likely to develop dementia than those who are socially isolated.

In addition the ‘stiff upper lip’ which might seem like a practical approach to handling life’s challenges, can have serious long-term consequences. Suppressed emotions don’t just disappear; they remain in your body, creating a state of ongoing stress. This perpetual state of emotional tension can increase the risk of developing dementia.

It’s a sobering thought, isn’t it? That an unwillingness to face your feelings could lead to something as devastating as dementia.

Why Talking Helps

Talking about our feelings isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of strength. It takes courage to confront your inner demons. And the benefits are profound. Opening up reduces stress, improves your relationships and most importantly, it helps protect your brain. When you talk about your feelings, you process them. Meaning you don’t let them fester and turn toxic.

Taking the First Step

Talking about your feelings, whether through conversation, therapy, or even journaling, helps you process and release emotional tension. This, in turn, reduces stress levels and promotes brain health.

I know it’s not always easy to start talking. You don’t have to do it alone. Reach out to a friend, a family member, or a professional. Start small. Share a little, see how it feels. Remember, it’s ok to be vulnerable. It’s ok to admit that you’re not ok. In fact, it’s one of the most courageous things you can do.

If that all seems too much…. then start by journaling, to help you with this you can download my free ‘simple guide to journaling for men’ here.

Conclusion

If there’s one thing I hope you take away from this, it’s this: Don’t wait until it’s too late. Don’t let trapped emotions steal your joy, your memories, your life. Men have spent too long being silent. It’s time to speak up, to share, to heal.

Let’s break the silence, one conversation at a time.

Take care of yourself and each other…..